As much as I've always been the "mom" of my friend group and "wiser than my years" since before my teenage years - I've made some dumbbbbb decisions.
I say that now, because of course, hindsight is 20/20. At the time, they seemed justifiable. (Josh always says if I had a super power it would be to justify anything! Haha, maybe I should've been an attorney...)
I know that "everything happens for a reason" and the path I'm on was intended for me, yada, yada, yada... I really do believe all of that. But I also believe that those choices my younger self made were based on the information I had at the time. If I had more information about what was truly leading my decision making, I likely would have made more thoughtful and intentional decisions.
In the big picture: we're all the product of both nature and nurture.
Several aspects of relationships are genetically driven, and impact your decision making whether you acknowledge them or not. Nature entices each of us to engage with a certain "type" and seek out particular traits to fulfill the ultimate goal: survival.
Think about it. On a genetic level, drama doesn't exist. It's like a cop-raided high school party - straight up survival of the fittest.
It's not a coincidence that Brad Pitt's jawline makes literally every person (gay, straight, or otherwise...) swoon. Our brains recognize facial structure like his - not only as visually pleasing, but more significantly - as dominant, powerful, resourceful, and of good genetic health; the characteristics that can help a mate to improve chances of survival. Attraction can really be thought of as a recognition of outward signals of traits that indicate improved chances of survival. So what does that look like for women?
Let's just say, the hourglass figure is not popular from rap videos. It's really the all time quick-indicator of fertility. Men, biologically speaking, seek out women who are sexually mature but not beyond peak fertility.
Now - before I get hate mail - physical signs of attractiveness are not the only reasons to go into a relationship, and the above traits are not the only that indicate attractiveness.
Relationships are just as much culturally bound as they are biologically.
Women in several Polynesian and African cultures, for example, are regarded as more beautiful the more voluptuous they are. In fact, a thin figure can be seen as an indication of frailty and lack of resources. However, many European and American cultures inversely prefer slimmer body styles. Waist-to-hip ratio is very clearly culturally dictated.
Masculinity seems to be another culturally bound trait. Consider cultures where the dichotomy between men and women is more fluid and less extreme. The attractiveness in these cultures is not dictated primarily on a man's stature or depth of voice, yet in the U.S., chest-to-hip ratio (the V physique) is one of the most prominent indicators of attractiveness evaluations.
Considering your own attractiveness from a potential mate's perspective may seem a bit crude at first, but it is reality. We know, as researchers, that there is a science behind relationships. Learning this reality can save you heartache, help make sense of behavior, and, if nothing else, provide some perspective.
Does it apply 100% of the time? Heck no. Is it suggested time and time again by science? Damn well better believe it.
Have questions? Reach out to letstalk@communicatelove.com & follow @communicatelove on IG.
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